Last time. Last day of School.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about my life. Not really my present life, but I was trying to remember as much as I possibly could about my life- my memories, my friends, my stories. yesterday was my last day of school. i was telling elizabeth that i felt surprisingly empty. it could be the fact that the thing i have been working towards is now over, and I dont really have much left in the plan for my life. Growing up, college was always there in the back of my mind- i knew it was something i was going to do, but i never looked forward to anything past that. now i am there, with no expectations or dreams. maybe that is why i feel blah.

College. ive been trying to remember what i was like before i came to college. In some ways i have not changed a bit ( still super competitve, semi-lazy) but in other ways I am a different person. Its strange how slowing a person changes...you dont really realize when you are...but afterwards you look back and think- who was i back then? Now more than ever I feel comfortable with who i am. if someone is annoyed by me, it doesnt really bother me, i just move on. im still terrible at sharing my real feelings- about anything- but at least i realize it now and it is something i can work on.

My expectations of college were simple. I was going to move into a dorm, make tons of great friends. study all the time. have really hard classes. go on dates semi-regularly. meet a boy who liked me and i liked him. have a job handed to me cause im just so great. know everyone in my classes. talk to my profs all the time. never be bored. be the most godly person ever. never be tempted to go crazy.

obviously, i was basically wrong about everything, but surprisingly im not disappointed. God has taught me more through this time than i ever thought possible. mostly- that i am not self-sufficient, that im not immune to being a human. i still have so far to go, but i am learning to trust him with everything.

Back to laying in bed remembering my life- here is the rambling journey my mind took, ill spare you by ending in middle school:
I think my first memory is being at ski school when i would have been three. i hated it and they tried to feed me hot dogs, which i hated, and i remember the view from where i was sitting to the door where my mom was standing to come pick me up. then i remember sitting on my mom's hospital bed when pete was born. they gave me a doll. her name was annie and she wore a pink jumper. i remember preschool in mrs woods class. one day i was on the see-saw and the other girl (my best friend) jumped off and i remember blacking out and being confused the rest of the day. then we went skiing and my dad yelled at me for running over a snowboarder and he made me hike back up the hill to apologize. i remember getting penny and how little she was. playing the backyard for hours on the rope swing where i would jump off the fort and do tricks- pretending like i was in the olympics. first grade- my best friend was taylor forti and i spent the whole year confused on how to say juliens last name. getting "l" and "r" stamps on my hand to learn left and right. second grade, jason came to our class on my birthday and he told me not to pop my knuckles. third grade- coming back from pe and seeing a paper on my desk with a "70". i was devastated. listening to the radio as o.j. was declared innocent and mrs. willingham was mad. i dont know when this happened, but the morning we found out dr. britton died. my parents cried. it was terrible. going to the funeral for the boys and they still had not found the middle one. going to europe with my family in sixth grade. the first sunday back in church, we were sitting on the third row on the left side. i remember my dress. they announced to everyone that heathers family was moving. i had no idea. i was crushed. playing sports. scoring goals in soccer. good times. playing nitendo at gails house.

random i know.....sorry im just really bored at work.