Its hard being Johnny Boy

Wow, late night last night. I forgot what it was like to date girls my own age...they go to bed soo late. Anyways, as most of my fans are dying to know, yes im fine, yes i ended it, yes she cried all the time, and yes, she had courtney following me around the clock. I mean, im used to people staring at me, yelling at me, asking me to sign their body parts, but not watching me from far distances, with no desire to get closer. And thats exactly what courtney had david doing to me. When a guy has had enough, hes had enough.

Anyways, im over it (have been since before it started) so you should be too. Lets talk about my music. Lets talk about my body. Most importantly, lets talk about how they work together to form the most famous tandem in the world. People ask, "John, why do you perform with your shirt off?" My response, "I dont own shirts, why would i?"

What i really want to know from my fans is not so much about my music, because i will write whatever i want to write, sing whatever i want to sing, and I have enough money that i dont need fans (also, me and james blake have a great idea for a business venture if either of our careers ever goes south, and by south i mean south america). So what i really care about in public opinion terms, is my hair, and my body. I just cant decide if women like short or curly hair better. I mean, jess loved my long hair. LOVED it. couldnt stop bloody talking about it to save her life. actually, she talked about everything and nothing- better at that than anyone ive ever met. If there is any famous dude reading this- you have a chance with jess if you are a professional fake listener. otherwise, youre toast. My guess as to why its working out so well with tony so far...he practiced this talent with T.O. for years before he attempted with jess. He had a strategy. I dont know why, but he did.

Did you know that im actually really smart? I mean, way above average smart. All my songs have at least double meanings, although usually i stick with quadruple meanings. Four is my favorite number. Its the number of fingers on my left hand that i use to play the guitar. Actually, I guess i use all five, but Im so good at it that I forget.

Tomorrow Im flying to paris to look at the pavement. Ive hear that U2 got a lot of ideas for the new albums by looking at the cracks in the pavement from really high altitudes- apparently there is some secret code that madonna had her people write. Common folk cant see it because frankly, they are too poor.

Well, I'm going to go eat some "Chicken of the Sea" aka Tuna. Everyone knows that. Catch me on the road. Or dont, your loss.

Bills, baskets, breakfast, balmo

So I was thinking about changing this so that every post was from the perspective of a different famous person. but then i decided that i would become famous and have to deal with all the things that famous people deal with, like people writing fake blogs...so i didnt

Instead, I wanted to inform you all what it is like to be an adult.

1. As you all are aware, bills exist. But did you realize just how much of your paycheck they will take up. 1. Taxes (17%) 2. Rent (a heck of a lot) 3. Cable (100) 4. POWER (75) 5. Cell phone (40) 6. Car insurance (too much) 7. Health care (robbers). thats all i can think of. but when i was actually breaking down how much money i will have after all this is stolen from beneath my "leave" mat...i got very depressed. HOWEVER, as i told my new friend david today...i do not want to get to a point where i am consumed with making more and more money...therefore, i am thankful to make enough to be plenty comfortable and I will use the rest for whatever purpose god has.

2. I suddenly have this new fasination with baskets. like decorative ones. I never thought i would get to the point where i happily spend money on decorating anything...whether it be myself or my living space or my imaginary dog named mango, but i have arrived. baskets and lamps, they just get me.

3. So every morning (almost) i wake up at 6:50 and roll out of bed and stumble into the shower and i dont really fully wake up until i am half way through drying my hair. then i walk into my kitchen and make oatmeal. I wish i had started counting many years ago when i started eating oatmeal. im sure i have passed 1000 bowls. maybe, if i start counting, i could set a world record for having eaten the most consecutive bowls of oatmeal for breakfast ever. if anyone knows who to get that world record company to approve something, please let me know.

4. On my second day of work, i was assigned my first permanent duty by my new friend jim. My job is to ask Victor, the gas trader, what the balmo (balance of the month- i still dont know exactly what it represents, i just have to send out a mass email with the price.) is for the day. and i have to ask him at 1:30. everyday. i know it is strange, but trade floors use aim. so everyday i have to i.m. victor ( who thinks im a class A moron) and ask him what balmo is. the conversation goes like this: Me: Hey victor! whats the balmo? Victor: 4.78 Me: Thanks!. EVERYDAY. other than that i just follow jim around and look retarded cause i cant remember anyones name.

So yeah...thats my life. Shlater.